Playdoh
by Rocket1x
Summary: Set just after Ron leaves in Deathly Hallows.I've tried so hard to control the lives of those around me, trying to stop harm from coming to any of them, so far I am not doing very well.


Play-doh, it's easy to move about and change in your hands, life isn't like that, no matter how hard we try to control it, sometimes it slips through our fingers and becomes uncontrollable. No matter how hard you try to gain that control it's lost. I've tried so hard to control the lives of those around me, trying to stop harm from coming to any of them, so far I am not doing very well.

Some control, that in the past I have deeply treasured has begun to slip further and further from my grasp since we started on the search for the Horcruxes. At Hogwarts I had two simple structures of school: classes and dates only on occasion would something terrible happen, but then I had some sort of structured control I could cling onto. Now, I can barley work out what day it was, let alone the month or date. I miss Hogwarts, not the Hogwarts that Snape has turned it into, I miss the Hogwarts Dumbledore proudly ran.

We had only just escaped from the Ministry; Ron was suffering from being splinched, but that didn't mean he was the only one suffering from his injury, both Harry and I suffered from the constant complaining and whinging that seemed to spill from his lips. It was even worst when it was his turn to wear the necklace. I always try to avoid Ron wearing it, or secretly letting him have shorter turns, I think Harry noticed, but he never said anything.  
>We have spent days discussing where to go next, I have been searching through every book, hoping to get any sort of clue, Harry has been going over and over the memories Dumbledore showed him. Many times I have wanted to apparate myself into <em>Flourish<em> _and Blotts,_ and grab some new books, but it was too dangerous even Ron and Harry agreed when I asked for their opinion, especially after the ministry we were trying to keep low profile.  
>I spent much of my time re-reading <em>The Tales of the Beedle Bard <em>on a few occasions I had read the stories aloud to Harry and Ron when it was my turn to watch, and their turn to sleep. I think Ron appreciated when I did this, letting him hold onto some innocence that we were all starting to lose. While I have been obsessing over the books, Harry had been focused on Greorovitch, after learning that he stole something Voldemort wants. The discussion of whether or not we should visit Voldemort's old orphanage came up many times, Ron seemed most reluctant, especially after we appeared into the town full of dementors.  
>After much persuasion, and nagging from Harry we went, however when we arrived the orphanage it was gone, instead a it had been replaced by tall office tower, we did try and search for the Horcrux just in case, like we had suspected there was no Horcrux.<p>

I think it was Harry's idea, or I can't remember it had been late at night, and sleep was something I really needed, but in the haze we had the idea to ask Phineas Nigellus, after taking his portrait from Grimmeled place, we had remembered there was another one in the headmaster's office at Hogwarts. Phineas wasn't very helpful, and awfully rude, but I guess it was understandable, I too wouldn't be too happy being blindfolded and been interrogated by three teenagers.

Autumn will always been my most hated season, not because soon approaching was winter, or that the floor of the forest was beginning to become slippery from the wet fallen leaves that now covered the ground, but because in that season Ron left.

It was a silly argument between the two boys, and in some ways I wished I had left with Ron, the pain it left me was unbearable, like there was something missing from my chest, which now felt hollow and useless, but I had promised Harry I would help him

As I lay in my bed I couldn't help go over the words Ron had said to me,  
><em>"Are you staying, or what?" <em>_  
><em>_"I…" I looked anguished. __  
><em>_"Yes – Yes, I'm staying. Ron, we said we'd go with Harry, we said we'd help – " __  
><em>_"I get it. You choose him." __  
><em>_"Ron, no – please – come back, come back!"  
><em>I had tried to follow Ron, calling out his name amongst the trees, after a few minutes I went back into the tent, my sopping hair plastered to my face, and threw myself into a chair and curled up and started to cry,

Choose him, the words kept rolling around my head. I thought we had both chosen him, it was almost set in stone that we would accompany him through the battle against Voldemort, it was decided years ago, when we refused to let Harry fight on his own, at least we would always be behind him, ready to stand up and fight not just for ourselves but for all those we love. However, there was something different about the way Ron had said it, like he was accusing me of something.

When Harry suggested to pack up and continue moving, I almost wanted to refuse, but I deep down, below the pain I knew it would be best, I tried stalling for as long as possible, hoping that there was a chance Ron would apparate back. Finally after there was no more packing and I couldn't stall any longer us, we apparated.


End file.
